That Summertime Sadness

IMG_1096This has been a summer of adventure for the boys as they have now spent more time away from home then they have sleeping in their own beds. The summer kicked off with a visit to North Carolina where we had a great time with family, I got to sample cocktails in an underground whiskey club, and the boys organized a pickup soccer game with 20 kids in the park. They then spent the next two weeks driving from Cape May, NJ all the way back to Portland with stops to see many friends and family members. They made it home just in time to head to Clatskanie for a soccer camp before finally coming home a month after school let out.

Rule breakersSummer is usually a tough time where I have to manage a full work week with the boys anxious to play and explore. But this summer has been a whirlwind of travel, camps, and family that has left me feeling a little sad about the changing landscape of our lives. There is now more work hours and less play as the boys find engagement elsewhere. As a dad that liked the idea of being primarily focused on parenting while working a little on the side I’m finding it harder to come to terms with my new role. I know that there is still a lifetime of parenting to do but part of the job is always letting go of something, be it the seat of the bike as they learn to ride or the keys to the car as they learn to drive. I guess what I’m getting at is I recognize a trajectory of growing independence in the boys that will have me letting go of more and more. As I sit here working alone in the house while they are both away at another camp at my parents house those days don’t seem years down the road. It feels like tomorrow and I’m not ready for tomorrow.

Pregnancy is a nine month process of getting us ready to be parents and I think that childhood is an even longer process of teaching us to let go. I want to be the kind of parent that knows when to hold and knows when to let go but that knowledge doesn’t come easy, and it’s not without sadness.

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