I hear you need a plumber
It had been a long day. Not that there was any one thing that I could point at to say this is why I needed a break, it had just been a long day. So when my sister-in-law left for the store and I was left responsible for my nephew and my two boys I took the opportunity to grab some alone time. Grabbing a change of clothes I headed into our one bathroom for a long hot shower. Knowing how the boys see shower time as the best chance to catch up on the days events while peppering me with questions I removed the door knob from the bathroom door. We didn’t have a lock at the time so to keep someone out you had to resort to more drastic measures. Simple turn of the screw and the knob was off, the door shut, and the hot water turned on.
It really was a great shower if I’m honest. Those movie scene type showers with my head hung under a stream of scalding water as the windows and mirror fogs over. I could feel the stress rise off of me carried up and away by the steam to pool in some other corner. There were faint voices outside the door, something about how daddy does this some time when he needs space. I was grateful for the way that they knew me and enjoyed the luxurious peace. After resource wasting long time I turned the shower off, and took my time to dry, dress, and fuss over things before returning the know to the door and exiting the bathroom with a whoosh as two different weather patterns collided in the hall. The boys were jumping on my bed together, happy and free.
“I pooped my pants uncle James!”
“But Don’t worry daddy, we took care of the problem!”
Wait are you kidding, are you making a joke?
“No I pooped my pants” “It’s OK daddy, we took care of the problem”
Over three separate explanations the story started to become clear. My nephew, who is four, started the tale off:
“I felt like I had to fart and I kept playing, then I when I farted I pooped my pants”
They tried to get into the bathroom to clean up but there was no knob on the door because some idiot took it off for his own selfish reasons. The boys sprung into action. Primo had his cousin pull down his pants so he could see what he was dealing with. They decided to bring this party out to the back yard by way of the front yard. So our little soiler waddled out the front door with his pant around his ankles and tried to navigate the step and slopped sidewalk to the side of the house. This is when our neighbor Libby looked over from her porch. “uhhh …. what are you guys doing?”
“My cousin pooped his pants and daddy won’t let us use the bathroom, he took the door knob off, but it’s ok we’re taking care of the problem”
“Sure that makes sense” and on they went. In the back yard there was the issue of removing the poo from the chonies which Segundo solved with a wiffle bat. When I asked where the poop ended up they excitedly told me it was behind the wood pile. I couldn’t imagine how they got it there and even after their explanation of using the wiffle bat to hit it away from them I am still baffled. Did they smack it golf style while my nephew stood there, did one of them pitch it while the other swung for the fences? They told me that they took his chonies off and held them up while the other one hit the poo out T-ball style. Like the worst piñata ever created i guess.
After the home run shot the boys told me they threw the dirty chonies into the laundry. This translated to throwing them half way down the basement stairs towards the washing machine. Arguing semantics at this point seemed silly so we moved on. They then got some paper towels and cleaned the little man and his littler man off, pulled his pants back up, and proceeded to have a celebratory jump on the bed.
Problem solvers, these two boys
Now I know that I come off as a pretty terrible parent in this story but I think that reading misses the point. A better view sees the problem solving and outside the box thinking these kids of mine displayed. Should I have removed the knob of the bathroom door, who’s to say for sure. But were they able to asses their situation, come up with a great plan, and execute that plan with the tools and wiffle bats available.YES they were, they indeed took care of the problem.