Category Archives: day to day

On the everyday life of a SAHD

Custom Hot Wheels car for my Zombie son

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I can tell that I’m stepping up to the big time with this blog because not only have my readers doubled from 4 to 8, but I’m starting to get some of the PR pitches that other people talk about. While others lament the lack of connection between the content of their blog and the content of the pitches I am just happy that I get any. Every once in a while a pitch comes in that is right in the sweet spot and one such pitch came in last week. I was asked if I would like to create a custom Hot Wheels car and then write about the process. Heck yes I would. We are Hot Wheels fans in this house, and since Primo got the keep the Remote Control car from the last giveaway it was time for Segundo to get a special car as well. So I navigated to the Custom Hot Wheels page and got started creating my tiny car masterpiece. The steps were pretty simple: Choose a body for the car, upload a picture, crop the picture and adjust on the car, add any text, and choose you packaging. I chose the awesome picture of Segundo after eating his body weight in Cherries and named the car “Zombie Gringo”.

When the car arrived in the mail we gave it to Segundo and filmed his response.

He has since slept with the car and made sure that he has it with him where ever we go. He’s a big fan and I think these cars would be great for special gifts and even cool party favors for kids to take home. Thanks to Mom Select for letting me test this process out and for getting a cool car in return for writing about my experience.

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It begins, but also continues

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Tomorrow is the first day of school for Primo. His first day in the big scary world of public school where we drop him off at 8 and don’t get to see him again until after 2 in the afternoon. We met the teacher, checked out the class room, got the lay of the land. He is excited, anxious, ready for to get started. We talked about his feelings about the new adventure and he has no fears that he can articulate, just nervous excitement. I’m not sure how I feel about the whole thing other than ready. I’m ready for him to get this public education started and see where journey takes us. Beautiful will drop him off tomorrow on her way to work and I think she will respond with the proper emotion sending her baby into the world, releasing more control then we have previously let go of. I will be there to pick him up and pick his brain. Gauge his response, talk about the other kids, and get the lay of the people. He will not provide enough information to satisfy our curiosity but we will learn a lot from his demeanor.

I feel like this should be bigger for me, and maybe it will be tomorrow, but for now I am ready to let him go. To let him drift a little from the boat and see if he can swim, to find his way back. I’m ready to see what he will learn and what he already knows. He’s 5 but already I see a 5 year old that makes good decisions. I’m looking forward to seeing how he makes decisions in this new world and what he brings back. I’m proud of him and I’m excited to see where this roller coaster takes us.

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The perks of the job are not the job itself

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Starting next week we officially have a kid in public school. Not only that, segundo starts preschool next week as well so two days a week from 9 AM to 11:30 AM I will not be responsible for any kids. That time off will be great but it starts me thinking about my value if I don’t have a kid to look after. I will have plenty to do but now, for this short period of time, it won’t be under the banner of also looking after the boys. I think the real problem I have with this is the expectation that Beautiful will now have for me to get more things done. I can’t say “I just didn’t have any time with the boys today” now that we both know I have at least 5 hours a week. I will have to find a way to work smarter not harder, so I can best utilize the time for myself, while still meeting the expectation of the warden.

I joke about Beautiful and her expectations but really she will admit that she is kind of terrible. She says things to me that no man would ever get away with saying to a stay at home mom. The other day when she came for lunch I was on the computer and she got frustrated, saying that when she sees me on the computer right when she gets home she just assumes thats all I’m doing all day, sitting around ignoring the kids. No this might be true some days but it was not true that day, and the idea that what I am doing in one moment representing my whole day is ludicrous. The idea that a man coming home and seeing his wife sitting on the couch, and then getting frustrated that she just sits on her ass all day starts to boil people’s blood. But this is essentially what my wife does to me every couple of weeks. She does immediately feel bad about it so it’s hard to get too upset.

Even when we have been the one at home and know the frustrations and chaos of the day we still picture hours of free time and a life of ease. Part of that is a short memory and part of that is knowing that its true at times. There are parts of the day when you don’t have anything going on, no toy dispute to mediate or counting game to play. There are times when the boys are playing together or taking a nap and I have hours of free time to do what I want. Well not what I want, I can’t leave and head to the local pub to catch a soccer game being played somewhere around the globe, but I can watch an illegal stream of that game on the couch while catching up on my reader. A good portion of my job is being available and in that availability there is some freedom to explore the space. The problem is those windows open at different times and can never be counted on. It is one of the perks of my job, the way free books while working at Wiley or cruises to Mexico when working at Softshare were perks. The perks are not the job itself so I get frustrated when it’s assumed that I sit around all day.

So I will find productive ways to fill this new found free time, but I will also take advantage of the perks of having two kids in school for a couple hours. I will take the long coffee break after dropping Segundo at preschool and then make sure that I get that compost pile sorted while I have the time. I will not feel bad for taking advantage of the benefits of being a stay at home dad, because I know there is a lot of hard work being done as well.

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Taking advantage of cheap labor

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Growing up I remember having chores to do but what I don’t remember is when I started doing those chores. Whenever it was I’m pretty sure I’m starting earlier with my boys than I started. As a dad I’m taking advantage of the labor source I have before they learn the economic lessons of fair wages. I can say it’s to build that strong American work ethic, or some other noble reason but really it boils down to maximizing my resources. Even though we live in a small house there is still a good deal of work to do to keep it clean, or to return it to cleanliness after the hurricane twins blow through. Getting them involved in cleaning up teaches them a valuable lesson, helps me, and engages them while I finish up.

Learning to be helpful part of the community is something I want my boys to learn early and come back to often. There is a bunch of things that I have to do for them but there is a whole other category of things that they can do on their own or for others. Teaching them to think about other people when we are all such naturally selfish beings is a valuable lesson to come back to over and over again. Also introducing the idea of doing their share and seeing how quickly things get done when we all work together reinforces bigger picture of community versus those selfish tendencies.

Giving the boys tasks to do when cleaning the house makes one or two lesson things that I don’t have to do before Beautiful gets home. They can get their room picked up, or gather all the toys that have sprawled throughout the house like strip malls and suburbs radiating from the city. Sometimes we make a game of it and sometimes I just threaten to water board them if they don’t do it but either way they both provide some much needed help. While they are busy picking up all the toys I can get a bunch done with them out of the way. When they are busy cleaning they are no longer busy destroying and that alone is reason enough to give them chores.

 

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Kicking it with the boys

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I can see it happening already and I’m not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand I love kicking the soccer ball around with Primo and we’ve gotten plenty of chances to knock it around. But I wonder if his excitement to play soccer has more to do with my love of soccer than his own. I think him seeing me watch soccer and talk about soccer and volunteer for a soccer team and all around obsess about the game of soccer has him finding ways to connect with me. I want to be the dad that supports and gets excited about what ever it is that his kids love without trying to put my own tint on things but seeing Primo get so fired up to play soccer has me fired up too. He goes in and changes into green shorts and shirt so that he is on the Timbers. Segundo doesn’t care one way or the other so maybe it is a real passion for Primo and not just him projecting what I love so that I play with him.

So far in my kid’s lives they have had no shortage of play time with both Beautiful and I so I don’t think they are struggling to find ways to coax us into giving them attention. But the amount of attention that kids crave is seemingly endless so anything is possible. From my point of view I want to make sure that I continue to show my kids that I am for them and support what they are interested in whether it parallels my own interests or not. There will be time to sort our what it is they love as they grow up but for now I’m going to enjoy kicking the ball in the back yard with my boy.

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Nothing beats Other Kids Toys

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Every parent has seen the effect that other kid’s toys have their own children. They are magic items filled with power even when they are exactly the same as the toys at their house. We had meet up with some friends from Primo’s preschool and I watched as the boys sat in awe of the collection of cars in the little boy’s room. Most of the cars were the exact same ones they have in their room but because they were in a new environment they some how shined brighter. Primo wanted to take a few of the cars home even after I explained to him that he had that exact same RV in the toy box outside. But it wasn’t the same, that one was boring and old and this one was special.

I can relate to that feeling even as an adult. The draw of other people’s stuff is part of the reason we all go through medicine cabinets when we are away from home. We are curious and envious people so we want to look around but I think we over value other people’s stuff compared to our own. The greener grass phenomenon I guess. I’m trying to be content with what I have and teach that to my kids as well but this is not an easy natural concept. More is one of the first words our kids learned and one of the most used as they grow up. They are encouraged in this want of more through commercials and social cues and in many ways it feels like a tough battle to fight. Even with enormity of the battle it is one worth engaging. Contentment is a value I want my boys to have and even though this is a heady lesson to learn for little kids its one worth coming back to over and over again.

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Parenting: Teaching two sides of conflict

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Conflict between Primo and Segundo usually leads to one of them starting to scream their displeasure. It’s a smack from the blunt instrument of violent noise and I mostly just want them to stop. But when I think about this teachable moment there are usually two contradicting lesson that I would like to teach. Let’s take the latest example of Primo coming through and kicking the lineup of cars that Segundo has painstakingly laid out along the edge of the carpet and the tile floor. Primo is being a bully and I want to correct that behavior. I want to tell him that it is not OK to be a bully and that he needs to think about other people and the way they feel, not just about himself and how much fun it is to hear his little brother lose his shit over something so stupid. On the other hand I want to teach Segundo that life isn’t fair and that terrible things happen all the time. He needs to learn how to deal with adversity on his own and not be a victim all the time. I know this is big, not necessarily age appropriate lesson but I still want to start the conversation.

Having more than one kid means that conflict does not have a simple solution. There isn’t one response that will solve the issue or convey the  the lesson that I would like both boys to learn. The busier I am with my own tasks and projects the more likely I am to search out the simple response of stopping the screaming. Segundo gets in trouble for screaming and the boys get separated for a while so I can go back to what ever it was I was doing with out the noise pollution. At my best I share the story of kind of boys I hope we raise and talk about the ways we get there together. Being a bully is not acceptable, wether they are the bullies or they see bullies, and dealing with adversity is key lesson to learn. These are heady concepts for the boys at 5 and 3 but I still think there is value in bringing them up. The same way we use vocabulary around the boys that they don’t quite understand. They eventually learn the words and build the skill of finding the right words for the right situations.

Continually going back to the picture of the type of kids I want to raise is important for me. That future person with all those idealistic features helps frame my response to these smaller issues. If I want my boys to be self assured and confident then what does that mean today in the way that I raise them. How do encourage strong problem solving skills in kids when you swoop in and try to solve all their problems for them. All this to say that parenting is complex and hard and it doesn’t get any easier as the kids get bigger. I want to continually rise to meet that challenge.

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Fun

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James and the boys are camping this week somewhere in central Oregon…I’m not exactly sure where. They went with James’ parents and will be gone a couple more days. I’m sure they are having fun.

If I’m honest though, It’s pretty fun having them gone. That is if you consider fun: eating roasted chicken directly out of the dutch oven, crackling and hot while Terri Gross on Fresh Air is blasting from the living room and the new Elle Decor waits for an evening of perusing, or finishing the laundry and drinking a screwdriver while watching endless episodes of ever-more appalling reality tv (which I seriously never otherwise do), or going to see a movie all by yourself at the cheap theater and then really not minding when the lift bridge is up on the way home and so you have to roll down the windows, turn the car off and watch the sunset in the middle of I-5, or meandering through neighborhoods on the way home from work to admire the gardens. Which, you know, I do consider fun.

I’ll miss them pretty soon. I can feel it coming on. The house is a little too quiet and I’m feeling a little too self-involved. Pretty soon, I’ll be really glad they are almost home.

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Grammie for the the Win

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Last weekend the boys went with Beautiful up to Gig Harbor to pick up Grammie, Beautiful’s mom. She had just made an 8 day cross country trip to move her oldest daughter out and we got to have her at our house for about 4 days. Those 4 days were magic for the boys as Grammie read to them for hours, talked old cars that she owned with Primo, and instituted Grammie rules for the week. Grammie rules are a collection of laws that heavily benefit both her and the boys. They get to have powdered donuts at breakfast, or pick out a toy every trip out of the house, or get spoiled in some other way that Grammie deems appropriate. It’s a truly magical time for a 5 and 3 year old who not only hear yes to every request but also have treats offered they never thought to ask for. There were trips to Toys R Us that brought in stuffed animals and trucks to take apart and put together, lots of games and tickets for candy at Chuck E Cheese, and sweets of all kinds.

Lest you think that Grammie only spoils the boys with toys and treats let me set you straight. She also spoils them with time and books and attention. The boys each made it through a new level on their summer reading program from the time spent reading and talking about books with Grammie. She has a love of words that is infectious and and the boys reap the rewards. Nap time with Grammie was the new top choice for the little guy that got to pick his spot. Usually they pick Mommie and Daddie’s bed but snuggling with her had much more sway then heavy blankets and black out curtains. During the short visit the boys had someone that engaged with them nearly every waking hour of the day and when it was time for her to go both boys took it hard. Primo was crying so hard he couldn’t get to sleep and Segundo laid on the couch where Grammie had slept and said “I love this pillow cause it smells like Grammie!”

It was a great visit for Beautiful and I as well, and I think that Grammie even had a good time. The weather in Portland even came through for us for the first time that she has visited and she got a better idea of why we love this place so much. Thank you for a great 4 days Kris and please come back soon. We all love Grammie Rules!

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