It's Either Her or Me

For a man there is no more complicated dance then the one between your mother and you special lady, be that wife or Girlfriend. In Ellie Slott Fisher’s new book It’s Either Her or Me she endeavors to make sense of that dance from the perspective of all the dance partners and to help each of us out with steps. Fisher uses a mixture of personal experience, professional advice, and anecdotes from a number of mothers, sons, and significant others to help women on both ends of the relationship as well as the men caught in the middle.

As a son and a husband I have become all too familiar with the delicate relationship between my mother and my wife. Growing up my mother and I were close and until I met my wife we talked often and in depth. When Beautiful came along that relationship changed. The talks might have been just as often but the depth wasn’t the same. While this is a natural part of relationships that doesn’t make it any easier to go through for a mother that is used to having unfiltered access to her son. Early in our relationship Beautiful found herself being compared and contrasted with a woman who had known me much longer and knew me well. While the relationship between my mother and my wife is a good one there is always going to be an ebb and flow as both of them learn how to relate to each other while both loving me.

What Ellie Slott Fisher, who also wrote Mom There’s A Man In The Kitchen And He’s Wearing Your Robe: The Single Mother’s Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly and Dating For Dad’s: The Singe Father’s Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly, does well in It’s Either Her or Me is weave in some great advice through the stories of others. In Chapter 2:His Role, Fisher writes about William who confronts his mom and his wife on the growing tension in their relationship. While the confrontation is hard at first it leads to a much healthier relationship. William says “If I could do it over again I would do it differently, for one thing, I would act more enthusiastically to both sides of the relationship. That would have eased the tension.” By piecing the points out through these anecdotes the meat of the message sinks in a bit deeper. I found I could relate to a number of the sons in the book and that helped me understand the lessons better. I also appreciate the “Keepsakes” at the end of each chapter summarizing the take away points in clear concise language. While I love the story telling sometimes I like to just get the meat and Fisher does a great job of doing both in this book.

While the advice was strong and the stories helpful I felt at times like the chapters were repetitive. Points, like mothers needing to hold their tongue, and sons needing to ultimately be on their wife’s side were reiterated in almost every chapter. These are strong points and worth repeating but some of power is lost in the repetition.

I think the intended audience for the is book is the women involved in this power struggle and they will definitely get the most out of it, but I think there is a lot there for men to understand. I would recommend this book for any man experiencing tension between his mother and his wife. Even if you think everything is going well it is worth a read to pick up on potential problems and gain a healthy does of empathy for the women in your life. The dance is tough and the more we learn all the steps the less likely we are to step on any toes.

I will be giving away a copy of the book to a lucky winner that leaves a comment telling me about the relationship either between your wife and your mother (men), or you and your mother in law (women). You can also increase your chance of winning by doing any and all of the following:

• Follow me on Twitter
• Retweet this giveaway
• Follow this blog on Facebook
• Send me tickets to the Opening game of the Lakers – Thunder series with airfare included

Be sure to note in the comments each of the ways you have entered, though truth be told the Lakers tickets guarantees a win

All opinions expressed in this review are my own and not influenced in any way by the company. I was given a free copy of the book by Random House to review

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