Tag Archives: community

Solidifying Our Friendship With Trees

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This weekend we became Friends of Trees. I think we were already pretty close with trees and loved meeting them at the park to play, or nodding hello as we passed on the street but today we solidified the friendship. We aren’t just Facebook friends that quietly stalk each other online and occasionally LIKE a funny status update Trees  makes about birds and the frustration of getting poop stains off birch bark. This weekend we became such good friends of trees that we helped nine of them move to new homes around North East Portland. Everyone knows that’s a true friend right there: one that helps you move.

Beautiful, the boys, and I rallied with a couple hundred other friends to get instructions and break into groups. We were group X, which pleased the boys to no end as they referred to themselves as X-men the rest of the day. What a couple of dorks. We drove to the first house and learned how to plant a tree from our team leader. While others stood by to observe the process the boys got in and got their hands dirty exposing the roots and scarring the hole for maximum success. Sure they were in the way at times but mostly they were the ones leading the charge to get the tree planted.

After planting seven trees and having another group plant our other two trees, we met back up at the rally point and shared a meal with all our new friends. Not the trees of course, they had to stay and unpack at the their new homes and enjoyed some cold water while we ate our warm soups. It was a great community building event and we felt so “Portland” for taking part. I was proud of the boys and the way they dug right in and worked hard while others seemed to be there to bring some karmic balance for past sins against nature. I would recommend getting out and volunteering together as a family adventure, we had a great time on ours and felt like we did some good as well.

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Great reads for the expecting father

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Have you experienced the panic of the pink plus sign on that home pregnancy test you bought six of just to be sure? Feel wholly unprepared for the responsibility of fatherhood but don’t want to seem like a flake by talking about it with someone? Worried about all the million things that aren’t ready and never will be no matter how much time you have? Well have I got a resource for you! Over at the must read site Father Apprentice there is a collection of material from fathers that have been where you are now and mined a few nuggets along the way. In most of the posts the dads are no more than a couple of pages ahead in this fatherhood journey, but they have a lot of treasures to share about the road ahead. What to look out for and avoid, and what to make sure you cherish in all the chaos. So head on over to Father Apprentice and watch the videos, read the pro tips on swaddling, and see that none of us have all the answers, just some things we’ve learned so far.

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Taking advantage of cheap labor

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Growing up I remember having chores to do but what I don’t remember is when I started doing those chores. Whenever it was I’m pretty sure I’m starting earlier with my boys than I started. As a dad I’m taking advantage of the labor source I have before they learn the economic lessons of fair wages. I can say it’s to build that strong American work ethic, or some other noble reason but really it boils down to maximizing my resources. Even though we live in a small house there is still a good deal of work to do to keep it clean, or to return it to cleanliness after the hurricane twins blow through. Getting them involved in cleaning up teaches them a valuable lesson, helps me, and engages them while I finish up.

Learning to be helpful part of the community is something I want my boys to learn early and come back to often. There is a bunch of things that I have to do for them but there is a whole other category of things that they can do on their own or for others. Teaching them to think about other people when we are all such naturally selfish beings is a valuable lesson to come back to over and over again. Also introducing the idea of doing their share and seeing how quickly things get done when we all work together reinforces bigger picture of community versus those selfish tendencies.

Giving the boys tasks to do when cleaning the house makes one or two lesson things that I don’t have to do before Beautiful gets home. They can get their room picked up, or gather all the toys that have sprawled throughout the house like strip malls and suburbs radiating from the city. Sometimes we make a game of it and sometimes I just threaten to water board them if they don’t do it but either way they both provide some much needed help. While they are busy picking up all the toys I can get a bunch done with them out of the way. When they are busy cleaning they are no longer busy destroying and that alone is reason enough to give them chores.

 

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Sunday Parkways in Portland

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This past Sunday we went to a late morning movie to make up for not getting to the drive in on time Friday night. Cars 2 opened this weekend and our boys were anticipating this movie the way I anticipated the last Harry Potter book. I’m not gonna lie to you I went a little fanboy on that whole thing but did not dress up for the midnight release, I’m not a total dork. Anyway we were one car behind the last car let into the drive in and had to explain why we weren’t watching Matter and McQueen in their latest adventure. So Sunday we went to an early matinee and while this was not along the lines of the Oscar worthy Pixar movies, it was entertaining and now the front runner for Primo’s favorite movie. After the movie we came home with little motivation to much else but with North Portland Sunday Parkways going on we mustered the energy to hop on our bikes and join in. Sunday Parkways is a program to promote healthy active living through fun events at local parks partnering with businesses and blocking off an 8 mile loop for folks to ride bikes, walk, skate, ski, or hop around with most of the city. The loop was about a mile and half away so we hopped on our bikes and attached the trailer for when the boys get tired and waded into the fray.

It was an amazing day with so many people out riding in the streets. At the parks there was live music, food carts, and activity stations to get people moving. Primo rode the whole loop and the bike ride to and from for a total of over 10 miles. He’s 5 and was so great riding in traffic and staying safe by being aware of what others were doing. I was so proud at how well he did in the midst of some chaos with all the riders on the road. Again and again he shows how he makes good decisions in tough situations on his bike. When we were out for a bike ride a couple weeks ago his chain came off going down a hill and he didn’t panic he just steered into the tall grass and slowed down. A month ago when a car was backing out of a driveway without looking he saw it, stopped his bike, and backed up just missing getting bumped by the back of the car. The driver was apologetic and visibly shaken but Primo reassured them and us that he was OK. He is still 5 and absolutely needs adult supervision but he is a  5 year old that makes great decisions.

When we finally got home we were worn out but happy and finished the night off with dinner with our amazing new neighbors. It was one of those days where we loved living in Portland. Participating in a so many concentric circles of community from the global movie, to the city bike ride, to the neighborhood dinner. We felt an active part of our small world and that usually makes for a nice weekend.

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Unsolicited parenting Tip #97: Get connected

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Being a stay at home parent can feel like an isolating job quicker than you would expect. When it’s just you int he kids every day for most of the day you start to lose the ability to have conversations bigger than explaining why your three year old can’t walk to the end of the front walk and pee in the street. “But daddy there’s a drain right there!” When you get into adult company all your material is geared for the toddler and up set and you quickly realize that you are a terrible bore. At least that is my experience as a stay at home dad with a five and three year old. To counter this, and to find more support and information I have connected with a couple of great parenting groups both locally and nationally. Below are a couple fo the groups I’ve found to keep me sane and to help build a bigger parenting community.

Portland Dads Yahoo Group - This is an online group of active and engaged dads in the Portland Oregon area that get together for days at the zoo, soaks at the local pool, and hikes throughout the week. Anyone can post an event and the emails go out to all the parents on the list. I have met up with a couple of dads at the zoo to walk around, chat, and provide some interesting new friends for the boys. Every once in a while there is also a Dads night out event for some beer tasting and comparing battle wounds. The online forum has provided some great conversation digging deeper into gender roles and parenting tips from men that care about being more than just the cliche picture of dads.

Mamananda Yahoo Group – This is another local online message board but the audience is mostly moms in the North Portland neighborhoods. What I love about this group, apart form the hyper local nature, is the questions and discussions that come out of the message boards. Whether is it is socialization or a greater comfort level women tend to be more open to asking for help with the parenting struggles they are going through. What do I do about my biting kid, How can we encourage our toddler to sleep longer, What to do about a partner not participating in the raising the kids? These are the types of questions that come up and the answers are many and usually diverse.

At Home Dad - This is a national group of stay at home dads, work at home dads, and any other type of dads that want to engage more on topics of parenting, relationships, and professional issues. This is my trade union so to speak. The dads on this board are experiencing parenting and dealing with the same types of issues I go through as a male in a typically female world. More than anything I find a sense of community and feeling that I am not alone in reading and responding to the topics at this site. I think that’s important in any job but really great for at home parents.

These are a couple of the groups that I have found to foster a greater sense of connection and community for me as a parent. While a couple of these groups are local like the Portland Dads group, or hyper local like Mamanada, these types of groups are available all over the place. With a little online search you will find your local groups and get plugged in to a bigger community with similar parenting experiences. We all need to fight against the isolation and mono-culture that comes with parenting and connect with others because it’s good for us as parents and it is good for the kids too. My theory is that fulfilled parents make better parents. Where have you found community as parents?

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Everybody loves a parade

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This past weekend we had the chance to be in the St Johns parade in our North Portland neighborhood. It is a classic neighborhood parade where every school, club, sports program, and company in the area joins in. The joke is that the whole neighborhood is walking in the parade and no one is actually watching it. We were there as part of the Pre-school that Primo goes to and we decorated our bikes up with streamers and stars to match the “Aim for the Stars” theme. The boys were thrilled to be in the middle of the road, though Primo could have used a quicker pace to show just how Awesome Possum* he is on his bike.

The parade was also an example of why we like this area. Riding through all the groups getting ready was so much fun and it was all happening two blocks from our house. We felt part of the collective, the community and it felt good. Are there community gatherings in your neighborhood that you and your family love being a part of?

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I will resolve it and it will be so

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I know that New Year’s resolutions are cliche and a bit out of style but I’m gonna do it anyway. I know that I will likely not keep many of these but I enjoy going back every year to see what was important to me in January and to see if it still resonates in December. So with that in mind here are 5 Resolutions for this year:

1. Be More relational with dads offline and on. I think I can do this by connecting more with the great dads here in Portland that are part of the Portland Dads yahoo group that host walks, Zoo days, and meetups all over the city. Also I would like to have a beer this year with Seattle Dad who has the blog Luke I am Your Father, Del The dad who has a blog but doesn’t update very often, and Chase Reeves who runs the great website Father Apprentice.

2. Find more opportunities to support local business with the help of Supportland. So far I have 20 points from a visit to Posie’s Cafe for Music time but I hope to get all sort of points and checking out some great neighborhood shops.

3. Play more basket ball, and by more I mean play basketball this year. I have always loved basketball and found a sense of clarity on the court but have not played for a while now. With the help of a great group here in Portland called Portland Basketball I am going to play at least a game a week and try to get connected with a team.

4. Find and listen to more great kid’s music. This year the boys and I have found some great CDs that they love and can stand up to the repetitive listening demanded by young kids. The great website Out With The Kids has great reviews and suggestions for music like The Many hands For Haiti Album and  Justin Robert’s Jungle Gym.

5. Find a way to bring home an income this year. Wether that is starting up a business on my own or finding a part time job I need to find a way to bring in some money. Beautiful has two jobs and it’s time I had two jobs as well.

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Leave it to Twitter to brighten the holiday

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A week or two ago I sent out a semi-frustrated tweet after returning from the bike shop where I was unable to exchange the ill-fitting rain jacket for another because the extra $20 was just too much at the time. I typed: “Nothing like the holidays to make you feel even more poor than you already are.” It was the equivalent of screaming into the grand canyon to release a little frustration but the response back was encouraging as people resonated with feeling poor but one person went a step further and asked if she could do something about it. Michelle Ward at Addaboy Clothing asked what size my boys were and if she could send out a couple of her awesome shirts. Now these aren’t just some random t-shirts but custom made clothes inspired by their love of music. Modern Clothing for Little Rockers, as their tagline says and I excitedly sent our address back.

Her response was emblematic of community I have found on twitter. Dads talking about being dads, bloggers sharing their posts, soccer fans talking world cup trash, dirty boston fans even. I have found shared frustrations, advice on discipline, and even political discussion relatively free or rancor. As a stay at home parent in rainy Portland the community that I have found online has helped me feel less isolated and more connected and valued in the market place of ideas and diapers. There are folks I will never meet that have had a profound impact on me as a parent and a person and for that I am thankful.

The night before christmas the mail man came with last of the cards and packages before the big day and in that batch were the shirts from addaboy clothing. They are awesome! One of their signature shirts that Primo is sporting in the picture above called Tattoo Girls Ink Shirt and a black and white button down short sleeve shirt for Segundo that I can’t find on their site. He did not want to take part in picture time you will have to wait to see that picture, but trust me, it’s awesome too. Thank you Michelle for brightening up our Christmas time with such one of kind shirts. You have blessed us with your kindness and helped two little rocker boys shine.

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Setting off to climb new hills soon

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This is the last month that we will be living at our amazing house with our great friends. The time has come to find our own spaces after two years together, and almost three years of living with another family for Beautiful and I. It will be sad to leave this house filled with many great memories and to move into a much smaller space. We had our childhood friends here last summer, Beautiful’s family this Christmas, four different exchange students, and many friends come to stay. It has been great having the space and the community support from our friends. We are ending well I think. Neither of us are to the point where we are frustrated with each other or tired of living together but we are coming to a natural end.

As we look for that new placee it has caused us to come up with what those important factors for a home are. At first price was the most important thing but as we search and weed through the options there are plenty of cheaper places in area that we would like to live in this city that are getting passed over. We are looking for a two bedroom house or apartment in a small (read 4 units or less) complex. We are looking for a place in North Portland that is close to our current neighborhood but expanding more North and West in our search. There are options to be had but we haven’t settled on something yet and so we wait in the kind of limbo. This season we are in is coming to an end and a new one will beginning but we aren’t sure where yet. We know the when though, and as that time fast approaches we get a little more anxious and little more sad at what we are leaving behind.

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Spirit and Place, or why I love Fountain Square

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I love waiting for the train at our Overlook Park stop, Primo worried about the other boys and whether we are going to leave them on the platform. I love the food carts hidden in plain sight all over the city with divergent options like Peanut Butter and Jelly cart or The Sugar Cube. I love the bridges that link the East to the West and the North to the South, anchoring the city to itself so that no one neighborhood gets too far away. I love the city of Portland for many reasons but as I sit here at the dinning room table of close friends in the Fountain Square neighborhood of Indianapolis, Indiana I realize that it is not so much relationships I have in the city as it is the city itself.

The boys and I drove down from North of Indianapolis to meet friends for Sunday Night dinner. I have talked about this before but Sunday night dinner is a gathering of a number of families in this close in neighborhood each Sunday night. There are about 8 families that participate and each Sunday dinner is at a different house. You host once every two months but when you host you make dinner for up to 40 people. You can grab your food and go or make a plate and join the conversation with more people choosing the later. Getting to come back to the city where Beautiful and I were married, and where Primo was born and we still have our first house is great because it means reconnecting with the people at Sunday Night Dinner. It is this connection with these people that makes me love Indianapolis, or more specifically Fountain Square. I feel like I have far too little time to spend with them, far too little time to measure up to the depth connection I feel to them.

Talking to Beautiful last night she said she was excited for me to get to see our friends. She knew that these people, more than this place, was important to me and she was glad that I got to be here with them and stay if even for one night. We had our Band of SAHD podcast tonight with one of those friends and I was reminded how great it was to be a stay at home dad with him next door. There is this thought that if you have a Dads group of other men that stay at home with kids that you will connect. That being a Stay at home dad is big enough connection for you to be friends but that isn’t necessarily true. But here in Fountain Square I had not only another Stay at home dad, but a friend that connected with and enjoyed hanging out with and I have yet to find that in Portland.

I will keep looking for that connection. Trying to find the people in the city that I love. But I love Fountain Square for the spirit of the people that I connected with and am still connected to.

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