Tag Archives: dads

Co-op preschools and the missing fathers

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Last night Beautiful and I went to the first parents meeting for Primo’s new preschool. We met the teacher earlier in the day with all three boys in tow but at this meeting it was just her and I and the other parents. There were thirty one parents present and I was one of four dads in the room. That’s it, just four of us there for the meeting to get the school year started off. There can be a number of reasons for this, one of which being since there were no kids at the meeting I assume most of the dads were on kid duty but I am interested to see how this plays out moving forward. Being the at ome parent I will be the one in the class two out of the three days a month that we get to be there helping out. Beautiful wants to take one of the days so she can be an active part of the learning process and not miss out on this dynamic time in Primo’s life. I’m sure that is a sentiment held by the other parents too, but I doubt many of the dads will go to the lengths that my wife will to make that a reality. I understand having to work and not having the time for this sort of thing but as a family we have all chosen a Co-op preschool so there is some assumed co-operation. For a little more on what a Co-op is here is an explanation from Parent Child Preschools of Oregon:

A cooperative preschool is a program that is operated by a group of parents who take an active interest in their children’s first educational experience. Parents help the teacher in the classroom, are given opportunities for education, and are involved in decision-making.
Benefits a Co-op Preschool Offers Children:
  • New experiences and a wider world to explore and enjoy
  • A teacher who encourages their sense of self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Parents in the classroom which insures an above average adult to child ratio
  • Children of similar ages with whom to play and learn respect for the differences and rights of others
  • A positive attitude toward future school attendance
Benefits a Co-op Preschool Offers Parents:
  • Participation in their children’s education away from home
  • A better understanding of their children’s individuality through observing them with other children the same age
  • A voice in school decisions and policy-making
  • Education in child development and parenting skills at parent meetings, PCPO Conferences, and through publications
  • Mutual understanding and moral support from other parents with the same concerns, interests, and problems

By choosing this type of school there is an assumption that you would like to be more involved in the learning process of your child. From the first meeting I can see that is true for all of the moms. They were all there. But it remains to be seen if that is true for the dads, and I have to say I don’t hold out a lot of hope. I want to be proven wrong, and that can still happen. This is just the first meeting, there will be more chances to step up.

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How do you respond when challenged?

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Many of you may know that along with this blog I also post over at Dad Revolution with other dad bloggers looking to change the face of fatherhood. Instead of the absent father or the dad that just shows up we want to encourage dads to engage more. We are trying to show that parenting isn’t just for the ladies. At least that is what we say we are doing anyway. On Sunday night Aaron over at Father Folk wrote an open letter to the dads over at Dad Revolution, a letter to me challenging us to do more. Please take five minutes and go over and read the letter before we continue….

You read it right? Good stuff huh. That letter went up late Sunday night, was taken down and then went back up this morning. You see Aaron took a little heat for posting that, it seems some still don’t get the spirit of the challenge. Aaron is not a fighter on the playground calling us out but rather a friend in the locker room spurring us on. That is how I interpret it anyway, and I think he’s right. Well I think he’s mostly right anyway. I disagree that engaged parenting from fathers is the new just showing up. I think we get clouded by the dads that are blogging about their kids and how they parent. It is a self selecting group but a small percentage of fathers. Most of the dad bloggers are engaged dads, otherwise they wouldn’t even be writing about parenting. They would have blogs on Bass fishing or model train collecting. There is still a large percentage of dads that are not even showing up at all. Those guys don’t even know their kids birthdays let alone blog about twenty toddlers that screamed when the clown came out.

I do agree that good enough is not good enough for me though. If I want to be associated with a revolution then I want to be a revolutionary. Being an engaged at home dad, leading by example is a good start. But I want more than that. I really do want to see the public face of fatherhood changed. I want to see fathers turn into dads in this country. I want to see those millions of kids without dads mentored and loved. I want to see the dads that are still there engage with there kids more, get on the floor and play with them. Get outside and run, or collect leaves, or build a fort, or lay on the grass and watch the clouds with their kids. I want to see a revolution with dads where one day the absent father is as rare as the at home father is today.

Now I don’t know how to do that exactly. I’m still working on translating dreams into action plans but highlighting groups like The Mentoring Project is one way of starting. Connecting with dads locally is another way to start and as more of these actions come up I will continue to write about them. I will also use my every other week post on Dad Revolution to call more to action. But I’m still going to tell the day to day stories of my family and my friends. I want to do the same thing with this blog that I try to do with my kids and that is be the person I want them to grow up to be. If I want them to eat their veggies, then I will. If I want dads to get on the floor, then I will and I will write about it.

Thank you Aaron for calling us to action not calling us out. I for one accept the challenge.

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The DADvocate Project, get involved

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A couple of weeks ago I did a podcast with Kevin Metzger from the The DADvocate Project that you can listen to here if you have a free hour and a half. Kevin is putting together some information about dads and for dads, asking questions that few are asking. I will let Kevin tell you about more below but I encourage you to participate if you are a dad or to get the dad you know to participate because I think this is an important project.

Guest Post by Kevin Metzger with The DADvocate Project

Hello, I’m Kevin and I’d like to start off this post by thanking for giving me the opportunity to guest post on their site and providing me the opportunity to tell you, the readers about The DADvocate Project.

The DADvocate project is founded on the belief that as culture, business, and society has changed so has the approach men are taking towards Fatherhood and family. I believe there are quite a number of factors that contribute to this change and I wanted to put together a study to find out if my thoughts had any merit. As a result I have put together the largest privately conducted survey of dads ever undertaken. Our goal is to survey 1000 dads and interview 100 of them to get a feel for the modern day dad.

If you are a dad then you’ll want to participate by completing the survey. You may also want to sign up to be interviewed. If you do sign up to be interviewed then you’ll be entered into a drawing for an Apple iPad to be held on August 1st. The survey is 60 questions and takes about 20 minutes to complete but it’s for a good cause. I also want to ensure that I will not be using or selling any personal data. All data will be aggregated and personal details will be removed. If you don’t care to be interviewed you can also take the survey completely anonymously.
The DADvocate project is starting to gain momentum and you will want to be part. Here are some quotes from others who have participated in, and/or support the project.

Drew Bennett (BenSpark)
“Form me there are no TV role models for Dads out there right now. I can’t think of one Dad on TV or in movies that make me proud. Dad’s in the media are portrayed as morons or people who avoid time with their family. However, that is not the kind of Dad I am and also it is not the type of Dad that many of my friends are. The DADvocate project is looking to change that.”

Chris Singer (SAHD in Lansing)
“Kevin is indeed the full embodiment of a DADvocate. Not only does Kevin advocate on behalf of fathers and positive fatherhood, but also advocates strongly on behalf of one of his daughters, Haley, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. Although Kevin is only doing what any terrific DADvocate would do, I have to say I really admire Kevin and his family for the incredible support and advocacy they show for their daughter.”

Julia Roberts – Sheposts.com
“Kevin Metzger wants to answer a simple question: How are dads involved in their kids’ lives verses dads of previous generations?”

Robbin Cobb – High Velocity Radio show
“I really loved hearing about what Kevin’s doing in the DADvocate project.”

Stone Payton – High Velocity Radio Show
“I loved talking about the whole DADvocate thing and in a lot of respects I’m a stay at home dad. Which is one of the reasons I chose an entrepreneurial path.”

Chris Jordan – Comment on a post at MetzgerBusiness.com
“I admire your work with the DADvocate project, and appreciate it more than you know – especially in the role I play here at home with my daughter. There really is an all new generation of dads out here and I’m glad that you’re helping us find our voice. Keep up the great work! If there is anything I can do to help with that project, please don’t hesitate to ask for my help.”

If you’re a dad join us by taking part in the survey. If you’re not a dad share this with all the dad’s you know and encourage them to participate.

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We need a clean up on the table saw, stat

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Should I care that the class is called mommy and me, or the play group is MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers)? Should it bother me that there isn’t a changing table in the bathroom of Home Depot or that I get that the “mommy’s got the day off today, huh” comment when ever we go out? I think it should bother me but it doesn’t really. I just can’t get to worked up about it but I feel I should, like it’s my God given right as an American to cry about my own injustices. Maybe  it’s true that stay at home dads are lazy and that’s what keeps me from caring or maybe I just don’t care enough to work up the outrage.

The mommy groups and classes are just smart marketing. They know their target audience and I’m not it. They like having me there, but odds are it is more likely that mommy or nanny is bringing the kids to afternoon swim, or play time at the coffee house.  Just like all those beer commercials that are targeted towards the doofus male that loves beer, babes, and baseball. Sure there might be an intelligent person, or maybe even a woman, that likes that beer but they are playing the numbers, betting the over and titillating their target. The mommy language on all the groups is doing the same and I am cool with that.

The lack of changing tables in the mens rooms is annoying to me but again it doesn’t really last that long. My last trip to the great orange tool warehouse saw me changing a kid on the shiny new table saw on one of the corner end displays. There was a plastic cap on the blade so the kid got to spin the wheel while I wiped his willy. I thought it was pretty thoughtful of them to provide the space for men to change diapers in a manly way and it made up for having to walk back out of the mens room after coming up empty on the changing table quest. Mildly annoyed and a bit defiant but no outrage at the minimization of dads in the child care game.

As for the comments from the ladies named Bev working the register at the super market, i’m used to the “daddy’s got the boys today” or “giving mommy a break.” I know that the majority of the time that comment is spot on, astute commentary on the almost complete reliance on women to raise kids. I don’t even have to make a smart ass comment anymore, now Primo corrects the ladies by telling them that “Daddy has us everyday because he is a stay at home dad and mommy works“. It’s better that he clear it up then for me to make one of those smart ass comments that gets me a talking to that night once Beautiful comes home and hears about out day.

Really it seems a bit trivial for me to get worked up over these things because most of the interactions I have with people that see me with the boys are positive. I would rather give them an example of an involved dad that is the primary caregiver so they have our picture in their head when they think of dads. That won’t stop me from finding creative ways to illuminate some of the annoying parts along the way. People were very impressed by the infomercial Segundo and I gave them on that table saw. “So easy a toddler can use it!”

Part of the Fatherhood Friday group of blogging Fathers and Mothers over at Dad Blogs. Please click on the image to the left to find more great writing from other bloggers trying to make sense of this whole parenting thing

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Dadrevolution: A website for engaged dads

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Today we are starting a revolution. OK that is not really true, the revolution has been going on for some time now, we are really just recognizing and putting a voice to a dad revolution. This revolution is led by dads who are standing up to be more then just the “other” parent. Dads who are taking an active role in the day to day job of raising kids whether they are married, single, working dads, or stay at home dads. Today we are being intentional about not only recognizing those dads but also calling all dads to join with us. Parenting is not just women’s work and it never has been and we at Dadrevolution.com are calling on dads to join the revolution. we are calling on men to step up and take their place at the parenting table. Will you join us? Come to Dadrevolution.com and meet the revolutionaries. Over the next two weeks you will be getting to know each of the guys stories and why they are part of this site. In the next few months you will get a new post each day on a variety of topics from a diverse group of voices spread out across the U.S. and beyond. Starting today April 19 on the anniversary of the battles at Lexington and Concord that opened the American Revolution, fourteen men are trying to start a revolution of their own.

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